Of course, there are different levels of listening. This lets you gain energy and height, just like someone jumping on a trampoline. They make you feel better not merely passively absorbing, but by actively supporting. They are someone you can bounce ideas off of - and rather than absorbing your ideas and energy, they amplify, energize, and clarify your thinking. While many of us have thought of being a good listener being like a sponge that accurately absorbs what the other person is saying, instead, what these findings show is that good listeners are like trampolines. Someone who seems combative or critical and then tries to give advice may not be seen as trustworthy.) (Someone who is silent for the whole conversation and then jumps in with a suggestion may not be seen as credible. Another possibility is that we’re more likely to accept suggestions from people we already think are good listeners. This finding somewhat surprised us, since it’s not uncommon to hear complaints that “So-and-so didn’t listen, he just jumped in and tried to solve the problem.” Perhaps what the data is telling us is that making suggestions is not itself the problem it may be the skill with which those suggestions are made. Good listening invariably included some feedback provided in a way others would accept and that opened up alternative paths to consider. Good listeners tended to make suggestions.Good listeners may challenge assumptions and disagree, but the person being listened to feels the listener is trying to help, not wanting to win an argument. That might make you an excellent debater, but it doesn’t make you a good listener. By contrast, poor listeners were seen as competitive - as listening only to identify errors in reasoning or logic, using their silence as a chance to prepare their next response. In these interactions, feedback flowed smoothly in both directions with neither party becoming defensive about comments the other made. Good listening was seen as a cooperative conversation. Good listening was characterized by the creation of a safe environment in which issues and differences could be discussed openly. Good listeners made the other person feel supported and conveyed confidence in them. The best listeners made the conversation a positive experience for the other party, which doesn’t happen when the listener is passive (or, for that matter, critical!).
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